He coudn't slow up the aging process

January 5, 2007 Rants
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1. On January 18, 2007 I will be 71 years old. For years I have followed your example and have done everything I can to slow up the aging process. Like you, I do not drink I do not smoke and I do not unnecessarily expose my skin to the sun. You want to see what sun does to the skin, look at the wrinkles on a 60 year old woman who spent her youth getting what they call “a healthy looking tan.” Healthy looking tan today --- wrinkled like a prune tomorrow.

This morning, before the sun was up, I put on my snowmobile suit and wooly hat and mittens and rode my bicycle for 40 minutes. I do that every morning it isn’t storming. And you have heard me say that three times a week I also go to exercise class where I wave my arms and lift my legs in time to music. You have heard me say that for over two years I have not eaten a bite of ice cream. For over 2 years I have not had a cookie or a donut or anything that tastes good. For all practical purposes, I might as well be a hippie.

But --- in spite of the fact that I have skinny bird legs and skinny scrawny arms and no pot belly, I’m still 163 pounds. I couldn’t understand it until I asked my wife Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman, where I could be keeping all that weight. And Marsha gave me a warm, intimate smile and said, “Extra chins.”

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You can hear humorist Robert Skoglund's radio program on his web site. Garner, Django, Basie and humorous social commentary.

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