Unedited rant for June 23, 2006 Radio Show

Did you ever hang a Maybasket? Remember how you’d sneak up to the door, knock and then turn and run as fast as you could? Ever wonder what ever happened to all those people who used to knock on your door and run? They are still out there in formidable numbers, but nowadays they jump in their cars and peel out. Dozens of them play that trick on me every summer, and once again they are in season.

If I have ever accepted a challenge in my life it is to answer the door before visitors can leap in their idling cars with open doors and leave. By the time I could get to the door today, all I could see was the receding end of a tiny red car with a Florida plate. They beat me. You have heard me say that I’d like to have a button that I could push that would drop an iron gate that would hold visitors captive in my dooryard until I could get out there to see what they wanted.

For years I had a big sign by the driveway that begged visitors to please give me the five seconds that it would take me to get to the door and out of the house. Because I installed a driveway bell that goes Ding Ding Ding when a car comes in, I can sometimes catch some of the careless ones before they can scratch gently on the door, leap in their cars and leave. A few have caught onto the bell trick, so they leave their cars down by the road and slither up to the house on foot. My friend, The Goose, has a sensor that peeps when people invade a certain area and I’m going to investigate that.

I’m humble@humblefarmer.com What heroic mechanical measures have you implemented to hold people in your yard until you could rush through your house and greet them at the door? Or do you simply have a sign out there that says, "Go Away."