The Eskimos' Hundred Words for Snow -- my favorite is MacTla = snow burgers

The Eskimos' Hundred Words for Snow

by Phil James

tlapa powder snow
tlacringit snow that is crusted on the surface
kayi drifting snow
tlapat still snow
klin remembered snow
naklin forgotten snow
tlamo snow that falls in large wet flakes
tlatim snow that falls in small flakes
tlaslo snow that falls slowly
tlapinti snow that falls quickly
kripya snow that has melted and refrozen
tliyel snow that has been marked by wolves
tliyelin snow that has been marked by Eskimos
blotla blowing snow
pactla snow that has been packed down
hiryla snow in beards
wa-ter melted snow
tlayinq snow mixed with mud
quinaya snow mixed with Husky shit
quinyaya snow mixed with the shit of a lead dog
slimtla snow that is crusted on top but soft underneath
kriplyana snow that looks blue in the early morning
puntla a mouthful of snow because you fibbed
allatla baked snow
fritla fried snow
gristla deep fried snow
MacTla snow burgers
jatla snow between your fingers or toes, or in groin-folds
dinliltla little balls of snow that cling to Husky fur
sulitlana green snow
mentlana pink snow
tidtla snow used for cleaning
ertla snow used by Eskimo teenagers for exquisite erotic rituals
kriyantli snow bricks
hahatla small packages of snow given as gag gifts
semtla partially melted snow
ontla snow on objects
intla snow that has drifted indoors
shlim slush
warintla snow used to make Eskimo daiquiris
mextla snow used to make Eskimo Margaritas
penstla the idea of snow
mortla snow mounded on dead bodies
ylaipi tomorrow's snow
nylaipin the snows of yesteryear ("neiges d'antan")
pritla our children's snow
nootlin snow that doesn't stick
rotlana quickly accumulating snow
skriniya snow that never reaches the ground
bluwid snow that's shaken down from objects in the wind
tlanid snow that's shaken down and then mixes with sky-falling snow
ever-tla a spirit made from mashed fermented snow,
popular among Eskimo men
talini snow angels
priyakli snow that looks like it's falling upward
chiup snow that makes halos
blontla snow that's shaken off in the mudroom
tlalman snow sold to German tourists
tlalam snow sold to American tourists
tlanip snow sold to Japanese tourists
protla snow packed around caribou meat
attla snow that as it falls seems to create nice pictures
in the air
sotla snow sparkling with sunlight
tlun snow sparkling with moonlight
astrila snow sparkling with starlight
clim snow sparkling with flashlight or headlight
tlapi summer snow
krikaya snow mixed with breath
ashtla expected snow that's wagered on (depth, size of flakes)
huantla special snow rolled into "snow reefers" and smoked
by wild Eskimo youth
tla-na-na snow mixed with the sound of old rock and roll
from a portable radio
depptla a small snowball, preserved in Lucite, that had been handled
by Johnny Depp
trinkyi first snow of the year
tronkyin last snow of the year
shiya snow at dawn
katiyana night snow
tlinro snow vapor
nyik snow with flakes of widely varying size
ragnitla two snowfalls at once, creating moire patterns
akitla snow falling on water
privtla snow melting in the spring rain
chahatlin snow that makes a sizzling sound as it falls on water
hootlin snow that makes a hissing sound as the
individual flakes brush
geltla snow dollars
briktla good building snow
striktla snow that's no good for building
erolinyat snow drifts containing the imprint of crazy lovers
chachat swirling snow that drives you nuts
krotla snow that blinds you
tlarin snow that can be sculpted into the delicate corsages
Eskimo girls pin to their whale parkas at prom time
motla snow in the mouth
sotla snow in the south
maxtla snow that hides the whole village
tlayopi snow drifts you fall into and die
truyi avalanche of snow
tlapripta snow that burns your scalp and eyelids
carpitla snow glazed with ice
tla ordinary snow




You are invited to stop by for supper anytime.
Robert Karl Skoglund260 Hamlin Drive
Fort Myers, FL 33905
207-226-7442
humble@humblefarmer.com

Hear humble's radio show on his web page

http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/ThisWeek.html

See and hear humble tell stories on his web page:
http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/

Hear dozens of humble's rants and even his radio show on PRX:

http://www.prx.org/Enjoy humble's music/humor program on Maine cable television stations:http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/TvTowns.htmlDid you know that Robert Skoglund, The humble Farmer, stands on stages and tells funny stories?Ask humble to entertain you and your friends with dry stories like these:http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/PortlandA.htmlYou can visit humble and Marsha at their Bed & Breakfast on the coast of Maine.http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/BaB.html

I just got a birthday card that said:

On January 18, 2009 all useless old people will be deported by the government.

offering to our elders respect and gratitude was small compensation for the wisdom they imparted to us younger people

Dear Mr. Skoglund,

As a Native American, or whatever you want to call us, from my earliest remembrances of growing up in the home of my beloved maternal grandparents, I learned to love and respect my elders. As I grew older I came to the realization that offering to our elders respect and gratitude was small compensation for the wisdom they imparted to us younger people. For this reason I rise early every Sunday morning to listen to your show, more for the wisdom you impart than for the good music you play. As a Native American, I, too, have often wondered why people think they need to have more than one pair of shoes. Thank you for imparting your wisdom each Sunday morning. Have a happy, healthy, and enjoyable New Year.

E Myers
Miami

Treat the earth well,
It was not given to you by your parents;
It was loaned to you by your children.


http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/2006backyard.html#top

1984

Telefoniste : 'Pizza Hut, goede morgen.' Klant: 'Goede morgen, ik wil een paar pizza's bestellen.' Telefoniste: 'Mag ik uw Burgerservicenummer, meneer?' Klant: 'Dat is 222 0033653 52.' Telefoniste: 'Dank U, meneer Jan Vandenbroecke. Uw adres is Haagstraat 256 en uw vaste telefoonnummer is 288 54 22. Uw telefoon op uw werk bij Dexia is 678 89 65 en uw GSM 0475-65 25 32. Vanuit welke locatie belt U ons?' Klant : 'Euh.... ik ben thuis. Vanwaar haalt u al deze info over mij?' Telefoniste: 'Wij zijn op Het Systeem aangesloten, meneer.' Klant: (zucht diep) 'Goed dan! Mag ik twee pizza's met ham, mozzarella en...' Telefoniste: 'Ik denk niet dat dit een goed idee is, meneer.' Klant: 'Hoezo?' Telefoniste: 'U lijdt volgens uw medisch dossier aan hoge bloeddruk en u hebt ook een te hoog cholesterolgehalte; uw ziekteverzekering weigert de gevolgen van schadelijk eetgedrag te vergoeden in geval van problemen. Bovendien krijgen wij ook een boete voor het leveren ervan.' Klant: 'Oei! Wat raadt u mij dan aan?' Telefoniste: 'Probeert u onze Pizza met yoghurt en sojabrokjes eens. U zult dat ongetwijfeld heel lekker vinden.' Klant: ' Waarom denkt u dat ik dat zal lusten?' Telefoniste: 'Uw vrouw heeft onlangs het boek 'Lekkere recepten met soja' in de lokale bibliotheek geleend'. Klant: 'Oké... stuurt u daar dan twee van. Voor mij en mijn vrouw.' Telefoniste: 'Goed. Dat kost samen dertig euro.' Klant: 'Prima. Ik geef u het nummer van mijn creditkaart. Dat is....' Telefoniste: 'Sorry, meneer, maar u hebt uw toegestane bedrag al overschreden. U zult cash moeten betalen.' Klant: ' Okay! Ik haal het bedrag wel uit de muur voordat uw bezorger arriveert.'Telefoniste: 'Dat zal niet lukken, meneer, er staat niets meer op uw bankrekening.' Klant (boos): ' Dat is uw zaak niet! Stuur die pizza's en ik zorg wel dat ik het geld heb. Hoelang duurt het'? Telefoniste: 'U krijgt de pizza's over een uur bij u thuis. Hebt u haast, dan kunt u ze hier afhalen en contant betalen. Maar pizza's per motor vervoeren is niet aan te raden, meneer.' Klant (getergd): 'Hoe weet u dat ik een motor heb??' Telefoniste: 'Ik lees hier dat u uw afbetalingen van uw auto niet meer hebt kunnen doorbetalen en dat uw wagen in beslag is genomen. Maar uw motor is betaald, dus ik veronderstel dat u die gebruikt.' Klant: '@#%/$@&?#!' Telefoniste: 'Mag ik U verzoeken om beleefd te blijven, meneer? U bent al eens veroordeeld geweest wegens belediging van een wetsdienaar. Een tweede aanklacht zou niet best zijn.' Klant: (Sprakeloos) Telefoniste: 'Nog iets anders, meneer?' Klant: 'Neen... Of ja, toch wel: vergeet niet om ook de gratis twee liter Cola te leveren zoals in uw folder staat.' Telefoniste: 'Sorry, meneer, een uitsluitingclausule in onze vergunning verbiedt ons om gratis dranken, die suiker bevatten, aan diabetici te geven.... wat dacht u van suikervrije Rivella, meneer? Die moet u natuurlijk wel betalen, maar...'Klant: Hangt op.