Monday, February 19, 2007

purchasing dept at the Univ of Maine in Orono --- And -- Comcast Service Problems

The purchasing dept at the Univ of Maine in Orono requires a W-9 or your fed ID # to add you in as a vendor. You can fax the information to 207-581- attn:

L
P Card Administrator
Univ of Maine
Orono, Me 04469

E mail: l
207-827-


Hi L,

I see you are at a dept at the Univ and that you are seeking a fed ID sent to your attn.

Since December 8th we have been trying to get Comcast to cut back our $45 a month TV to a $15 a month package. I’ve been down to the office and talked with the person behind the counter face to face twice. They are still billing us $45 a month, and tell us that it will be done on Wednesday and that although we must continue to pay the $45 a month until they get around to make the change, on Wednesday for sure, our rebate will eventually be reflected in some future bill.

The last time I was in the Comcast office the representative figured out how much I owed and I wrote out a check for that amount on the spot. But the following month I got a bill for $135 past due --- only because after 60 days they still had not made the requested change on Wednesday.

Are you following what I am saying? Do I have your attn?

I am an old man. I try to live a happy life, I go around minding my own business, but from time to time it seems that some unmanageable situation reaches out and tries to suck me in. Because I am an old man trying to live out my final days in quiet happiness, I do not keep abeam of the machinations of George Bush on the evening news and I have no answers for people who ask me for things I have never heard of.

While at a humor convention in Panama City this past weekend, presenters unloaded three words on me that I had never heard before: Lynyrd Skynyrd, Maxi Pads and Tropicana. Because I am an educated man who is not ashamed to flaunt his ignorance, at the end of the sessions I asked who Lynyrd Skynyrd was and what Tropicana and Maxi Pads were.

But that was my limit for lexical items for the week so I am not going to ask you or anyone else to enrich me with a definition of W-9 or fed ID #.

Even if I had a fax I could not mail them to your attn.

Although I would not for the world give up what I gained as a graduate student at UMO, you may correctly assume from this that I do not have the intestinal fortitude to become one of your vendors.

The humble Farmer, BS, MA, NDEA, PDQ, M-O-U-S-E

Monday, February 12, 2007

The humble Farmer, Paul Krassner, Legendary Satirist, Radical Activist, Publisher/Editor of "The Realist," participant in "The Chicago Seven" Trial

070223 Rants
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This Thursday I’m going to the AATH 3-day humor convention in Panama City to learn more about the therapeutic benefits of humor. In reading over the program I notice that there are several concurrent sessions. Because I can only attend one session at a time I’m sure to miss out on something good.

Which brings to mind a humor convention in California where I was one of the speakers. I was up against Paul Krassner who was in the next room. If you haven’t heard of Paul Krassner, Google him. Paul Krassner, Legendary Satirist, Radical Activist, Publisher/Editor of "The Realist," and a participant in "The Chicago Seven" Trial

http://www.buzzflash.com/interviews/03/02/18_Krassner.html

When we finished our presentations, the woman who was running the show came up to me and said, “Ninety people went in to hear Paul but only 10 came in to see you. I want to apologize for flying you all the way from Maine to California to speak to only 10 people.”

And I told her that it had to do with where the conference was being held. The conference was in California and Paul lived in California so the turnout was just about what you’d expect.

But, I assured her that had the conference been held where I live in Maine things would have been much different. If the conference had been held in Maine, ALL of the people would have gone in to hear Paul and none of them would have come in to hear me.

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Did you know that Robert Skoglund, The humble Farmer, stands on stages and tells funny stories?

Ask humble to entertain you and your friends with dry stories like these:

http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/PortlandA.html

You can hear humble's radio program for this week:

http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/ThisWeek.html

You can visit humble and Marsha at their Bed & Breakfast on the coast of Maine.

http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/BaB.html

Robert Karl Skoglund (November-April)
260 Hamlin Drive
Fort Myers, FL 33905
207-226-7442
humble@humblefarmer.com

http://www.TheHumbleFarmer.com

You are invited to stop by for supper anytime.

785 River Road (summers)
St. George, ME 04860
207-226-7442
humble@humblefarmer.com

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Bartleby -- I would prefer not to --- Joan Benoit --- Picasso --- Guernica --- The humble Farmer

The grandchild Avalane is visiting us for a week.

Avalane is a two-year-old Bartleby. No matter what anyone asks her to do, she would prefer not to. “Avalane, please come to the phone and say hi to your father.”

No, she doesn’t scream or raise a fuss. Avalane exhibits her indifference to the most reasonable of requests by turning away from the speaker and calmly chewing on the leg of a small stuffed horse.

Her response is the unassailable 2-year-old’s equivalent of Bartleby’s, “I would prefer not to.” It matters not to the child that her mother is an iron woman who swims in icy ponds before dawn and nips at the heels of the likes of Joan Benoit in marathons.

Which reminds us of the exact opposite life style of the child’s grandmother, my wife Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman, who cooks veggies in butter until they are like mush. I’m not a chemist so I can’t even begin to describe the forces that must now be raging in her grandchild’s body, having been unleashed for the first time by generous gobs of sugar and fat.

I suppose I should tell you what brought Avalane to mind in the first place. This morning Marsha dragged the child off to a petting zoo where her hands will come in contact with the kind of bacteria that can multiply almost as fast as our war debt. I was left behind to do the dishes. While picking up several hundred crayons that were scattered on the floor I realized --- that had Picasso had been faced with the choices available in the paint box of a modern two-year-old child --- he wouldn’t have lived long enough to paint Guernica.

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Did you know that Robert Skoglund, The humble Farmer, stands on stages and tells funny stories?

Ask humble to entertain you and your friends with dry stories like these:

http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/PortlandA.html

You can hear humble's radio program for this week:

http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/ThisWeek.html

You can visit humble and Marsha at their Bed & Breakfast on the coast of Maine.

http://www.thehumblefarmer.com/BaB.html

Robert Karl Skoglund (November-April)
260 Hamlin Drive
Fort Myers, FL 33905
207-226-7442
humble@humblefarmer.com

http://www.TheHumbleFarmer.com

You are invited to stop by for supper anytime.

785 River Road (summers)
St. George, ME 04860
207-226-7442
humble@humblefarmer.com