Robert Skoglund
Unedited Rants for May 26 The humble Farmer Radio Program
Rants May 26, 2006
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Admit nothing, deny everything, and make counter accusations. Advice to CIA graduating class.
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You might know that my wife Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman, is a fantastic cook. Every time she puts a meal on the table it is better than the one before it. Two minutes into every meal I applaud if we are alone, and if we have guests I invite them to join me in applauding the cook. Jeremy and Sally Tuttle, who are rich friends, gave us a waffle maker last Christmas --- but that’s redundant, isn’t it --- only rich people can afford to give away waffle makers --- so from time to time Marsha makes waffles. They are so good they do not need syrup and that is the way I eat them. But would you believe that this morning I took one bite out of a waffle and quickly removed it from my mouth? That’s a nice way of saying that I spit it on my plate. I was brought up in a home where you never made an unkind comment about the food. My father lived in Europe during the First World War and he lived on turnips for at least one winter so the rule was if I didn’t like something I simply didn’t put it on my plate. And, although there are one or two things I still don’t eat, I don’t make unkind comments about the food now. When anyone asks why I’m not eating this or that I say that it is so good --- it is a thrill I’m saving for my 80s. So. Marsha’s waffles are as good as anything can taste and when I bit into that waffle I felt as if I’d been betrayed. Marsha didn’t know I’d removed it from my mouth. I simply said, “This waffle is different” and went out in the kitchen and when she took a bite she threw away the batter. She explained that she was trying a mix put out by the grocery store where she shops because it was much cheaper than Krusteaz Belgium Waffle mix. This was the first time I had heard of Krusteaz Belgium Waffle mix and I would advise you to try it because if you eat just one Krusteaz waffle you’ll never want to eat any other kind. And do ask yourself: what profitith it a woman to buy waffle mix at half price if it takes a four dollar bottle of syrup to get it down?
Rants May 26, 2006
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Admit nothing, deny everything, and make counter accusations. Advice to CIA graduating class.
+
You might know that my wife Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman, is a fantastic cook. Every time she puts a meal on the table it is better than the one before it. Two minutes into every meal I applaud if we are alone, and if we have guests I invite them to join me in applauding the cook. Jeremy and Sally Tuttle, who are rich friends, gave us a waffle maker last Christmas --- but that’s redundant, isn’t it --- only rich people can afford to give away waffle makers --- so from time to time Marsha makes waffles. They are so good they do not need syrup and that is the way I eat them. But would you believe that this morning I took one bite out of a waffle and quickly removed it from my mouth? That’s a nice way of saying that I spit it on my plate. I was brought up in a home where you never made an unkind comment about the food. My father lived in Europe during the First World War and he lived on turnips for at least one winter so the rule was if I didn’t like something I simply didn’t put it on my plate. And, although there are one or two things I still don’t eat, I don’t make unkind comments about the food now. When anyone asks why I’m not eating this or that I say that it is so good --- it is a thrill I’m saving for my 80s. So. Marsha’s waffles are as good as anything can taste and when I bit into that waffle I felt as if I’d been betrayed. Marsha didn’t know I’d removed it from my mouth. I simply said, “This waffle is different” and went out in the kitchen and when she took a bite she threw away the batter. She explained that she was trying a mix put out by the grocery store where she shops because it was much cheaper than Krusteaz Belgium Waffle mix. This was the first time I had heard of Krusteaz Belgium Waffle mix and I would advise you to try it because if you eat just one Krusteaz waffle you’ll never want to eat any other kind. And do ask yourself: what profitith it a woman to buy waffle mix at half price if it takes a four dollar bottle of syrup to get it down?
posted by The humble Farmer at 5:39 AM
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